Experiments in photography, jewelry making, mosaics, and other artistic obsessions
24 April 2011
Macro Study: Arise
Zucchini sprout, April 2011
Tomato sprout, April 2011
Happy macro day, and happy Easter to all who celebrate it. I find myself alone for the first time in 3 weeks because the kids have gone to their dad's for the week and my dad is in Albuquerque with a friend and her family. Although it feels strange and a bit squirrelly, I realize now how much I needed one full day and night alone to really feel and listen to myself. The first holidays after a loved one dies are difficult, people tell me; I definitely felt it around Thanksgiving and Christmas and had to really push myself to be cheery for the kids' sake. I didn't expect to feel it for Easter but then came all the death and resurrection talk, which reminded me of the many dreams I had in the months following my mom's death in which we somehow discovered that, wow, she's not dead, she just wandered off into the wide world and will come back to us someday. The quickening stream of Mothers Day ads is also getting to me... so, definitely a good day to be alone.
Cucumber sprout, April 2011
I'm not lonely, though; Lucy and the cats have been right by my side all day, inside and out. Despite the incessant wind I have been out gardening all weekend, digging beds for all these sprouts and laying new driplines for the Great Garden Expansion of 2011. I tell people I'm expanding the garden because of high food prices and declining produce quality, but really, I'm a woman possessed. Later this afternoon, though, I'll take a break to go walking with Lucy out on the property and clean up my mom's little stone house that now seems to be her de facto gravesite. Her ashes are back in Philly, but I'd like to bring them out here this summer. It feels like she belongs here.
Not exactly a cheerful Easter post, I know. A few people (who obviously don't know me very well) have taken pains to remind me that Mom is now in a better place, with God, in Heaven, moving onto a new phase of existence, and so forth. I won't say I do not believe that, but I'm not feeling it. Not today, anyway, and certainly not because I'm "supposed to." So being in the garden, preparing and planting and tending, is exactly where I need to be. I hope you all have a wonderful day, in celebration or whatever else occupies you today.