24 April 2011

Macro Study: Arise

Zucchini sprout, April 2011

Tomato sprout, April 2011
Happy macro day, and happy Easter to all who celebrate it. I find myself alone for the first time in 3 weeks because the kids have gone to their dad's for the week and my dad is in Albuquerque with a friend and her family. Although it feels strange and a bit squirrelly, I realize now how much I needed one full day and night alone to really feel and listen to myself. The first holidays after a loved one dies are difficult, people tell me; I definitely felt it around Thanksgiving and Christmas and had to really push myself to be cheery for the kids' sake. I didn't expect to feel it for Easter but then came all the death and resurrection talk, which reminded me of the many dreams I had in the months following my mom's death in which we somehow discovered that, wow, she's not dead, she just wandered off into the wide world and will come back to us someday. The quickening stream of Mothers Day ads is also getting to me... so, definitely a good day to be alone.

Cucumber sprout, April 2011
I'm not lonely, though; Lucy and the cats have been right by my side all day, inside and out. Despite the incessant wind I have been out gardening all weekend, digging beds for all these sprouts and laying new driplines for the Great Garden Expansion of 2011. I tell people I'm expanding the garden because of high food prices and declining produce quality, but really, I'm a woman possessed. Later this afternoon, though, I'll take a break to go walking with Lucy out on the property and clean up my mom's little stone house that now seems to be her de facto gravesite. Her ashes are back in Philly, but I'd like to bring them out here this summer. It feels like she belongs here.

Not exactly a cheerful Easter post, I know. A few people (who obviously don't know me very well) have taken pains to remind me that Mom is now in a better place, with God, in Heaven, moving onto a new phase of existence, and so forth. I won't say I do not believe that, but I'm not feeling it. Not today, anyway, and certainly not because I'm "supposed to." So being in the garden, preparing and planting and tending, is exactly where I need to be. I hope you all have a wonderful day, in celebration or whatever else occupies you today.
Zucchini sprout, April 2011

9 comments:

Jen V. said...

Feel whatever you need to feel...and enjoy that solo/soul time. Your zucchini picture gave me goosebumps. I adore the splash of light and life!!
Jen

Laura Twiford said...

These shots are absolutely AMAZING! I have to ask what lens you are using so i can put it on my wish list. I'm new to your blog and am so sorry to hear the pain you are feeling over your Mother's passing. I'm sure I will feel the same way when the time comes. I'm glad you have the time and space to yourself today to do what you need.

Kym Hunter Designs said...

Very nice shots! I really like the last one. Now I wish I had planted some veggies this year.

Jenni said...

Anna, I hope your time alone is bringing you some solace and peace. Your photos are fantastic, I like them all, esp the first one. Growing plants and veggies is so rewarding, sounds like you have done quite a bit!
Jenni

Gardanne said...

There is no right or wrong when your grieving, just be good to yourself.

stregata said...

First: belated Happy Birthday!
Your macro shots are fantastic - particularly the first one of the zucchini sprout - that drop of water is just over the moon!

Anesha said...

Enjoy your time alone. Love the Macro photos!!

Linda Landig said...

I really enjoyed your photos esp. the first one. Mother's day and all holidays are hard after loosing a loved one. Time alone to contemplate is good for the soul.

Lori @ Studio Waterstone said...

First, your pics are amazingly beautiful and inspiring. Second, I can totally relate. After my mom's death in January, the entire weekend was difficult for me even though I was surrounded by friends. I truly hope you found peace and restoration this weekend.