Sanctuary

Altar at Santa Rosa de Lima sacred site, near Abiquiu, NM, May 2013

A weekend away from home always spurs exploration, and if I'm lucky that fuels creativity. In May I traveled to Abiquiu, NM, for a workshop at Healing Through Horses, which was indeed incredibly healing, not to mention informative about equine-assisted psychotherapy, which I hope to start doing in a few years. On the long ride home I passed this site, the ruins of a church built in 1744 soon after the Spanish began settling in the Chama River valley. People in the area attended Santa Rosa de Lima until the 1930s, and clearly visitors - local and from far away - continue to worship here in some fashion. The weathered adobe, the relics and offerings, and the vistas of the Chama River and beyond make for an enchanting experience.

Being With {sad/possibly triggering content warning}

Dying; bearing witness. Mustangs near Alamo, NM, May 2013

A short lunchtime drive north of where I work took me past a heartbreaking, remarkable scene: a mustang, near starvation, standing very close to the road and, even as I approached, steadfastly remaining by his dying companion. When the horse in front, likely downed forever, sensed my approach and began to struggle, the other horse stepped forward. We can project what we want onto this; to me, it embodies the extreme beauty of the one thing that makes life bearable: being with and bearing witness to our companions, no matter what, even in the face of death.

Welcome, Marita

Finally, a horse to call my own.

Every day is a winding road

This commute is always inspiring. And most days the half hour each way is the only alone time I get all day. Great thinking time, my own soundtrack, no demands except to get myself home safely, and beautiful open skies. And with spring coming it just keeps getting better.

Alamo Road, heading southeast.

Focus on Life, Week 5: Capture Our Hearts

Festus, one of the many fine ARA steeds. San Acacia, NM, Feb. 2013

So the photo-a-day thing isn't happening; between my work schedule and essential family time I just can't squeeze out enough time for daily photo taking and processing. I'll try to make a weekly post at least, just to keep myself creating, and am happy to link up with other creative people at Studio Sublime... Yesterday gave me plenty of creative opportunities and inspiration: I took the kids and my dad for a ride with Acacia Riding Adventures (ARA), an outfit in San Acacia, NM, that specializes in horseback rides for all ages and experience levels. It was AWESOME. The kids and I were tired and edgy after a long week, me after 20 straight days of non-stop working and traveling with no downtime, but after a few hours of riding Ranger, Char, and Splendor through high-desert chaparral and Rio Grande woodlands we were revived, to say the least.

I felt almost born-again, in fact, and could feel my long-buried love for all things equine finally begin to come back to life. Why long-buried? When you have something and then can't have it anymore because life intervenes and makes it impractical or takes it out of reach, I think you sometimes have to wrap it in a thick shroud and bury it somewhere to dull the keening ache. (To put it dramatically, I guess.) As a child, I lived for horses. I mucked out stalls and cleaned tack and fed and watered horses at a local stable just to be near the horses and to earn riding time. When I was 15 or so, I got too busy, and money had to go elsewhere, and then... somehow 30 years went by during which I was able to ride maybe 3 or 4 times, and having a horse or even access to one was so far out of reach that I had to let go of the desire before it burned a hole in my heart.

Embers can hold heat for far longer than we might think, fading almost to black yet reviving brightly when finally reunited with air and fuel. We'll be riding again very soon, that much I can say for sure.

20/365: A New View

View from a courtyard, Corrales, NM

This weekend's training in play therapy gave me excellent theoretical grounding and practical skills in what I consider the best and usually the only truly effective way to work therapeutically with kids. It also affirmed what I've been doing so far, mostly winging it with help from books, DVDs, and consultation with other play therapists. I was surprised to learn that most therapists and psychologists, when asked directly, say they don't really want to work with kids. I suspect it's because kids don't usually talk openly or logically or coherently, at least not to relative strangers peppering them with prying questions, leaving us left-brainer adults at a loss and, I'll admit to this if no one else will, feeling kind of dumb for not knowing what to say or what to do when faced with kids who can't or won't talk about what's going on with them.

The key: communicate with kids in their "language," whether verbal or nonverbal, and be open to viewing things from new, unexpected perspectives. Watch them play to learn their language. Accept them for who, what, and where they are - if they sense that, you already have a good connection to build on.

18/365: Outside

Testing the ice, near Magdalena, NM

My travel schedule is harder on the kids than it is on me, so I took Friday off to spend the whole day with them before taking off for two more trainings, one over the weekend and one next week. With the weather finally warming up, a walk on the property got us all out of the house and into the fresh air again. Laz went straight for the pond to see if the ice was still there (it was), and Lucy seemed to watch him carefully and actually nudged him a few times when he got close to the pond's edge. Best. Dog. Ever. As you can see in the upper right side of the image, Riley wanted to play, too...

15/365: Interlude

Drago in the sun, near Magdalena, NM

I took the morning off to take the kids for flu shots, and since getting a shot always sucks I then took them to breakfast before dropping them off at school. Since I had an extra hour before having to head to work, I took a short walk on the property and soon had company, always welcome and especially if it's equine. Drago is one of my favorite of Doc's horses; I haven't ridden him, I just enjoy him walking beside me and occasionally nudging me for treats. This was such a welcome break from the week's busy routine that I might have to do it again soon, once the weather warms up a bit.

13/365: Sierra Ladron Sunset

Sunset, Sierra Ladron, Socorro Cty, Jan. 2013

1/365: Friends

Maggie gives Goliath a New Year's hug

Happy New Year! We took the dogs out to run today and found the horses and Goliath digging into fresh bales of hay. Even with all that hay at their feet, they nudge us for treats, which I always forget to bring. If we lived out there, that wouldn't be a problem, nor would getting in some riding time. So one wish is for Dad to finally get his house built so there's a homestead out there. I don't mind living in town for a few more years, though I'm already dreaming of my own home out there, too...

Holiday Greetings

Victoria's Christmas angel, entirely handmade around a purchased doll head

Ricky's Dine' (Navajo) Christmas, painted on Kraft paper

I am finally feeling rested after a week of vacation and wanted to share photos of the holiday office door art created by my talented coworkers at the Alamo Navajo Health Center. I hope we can leave these up for a while - the art is both a visual treat and a welcome respite from the usual bare walls and serious atmosphere. So far, we've decorated for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas; next up is... Valentine's Day? Then Easter, and the first day of Spring, and May Day, and... there is always a reason to create beauty, right?

Lorena's Wishing Door

Family Time

Rudolph says it's vacay time!!! Christmas display at Winston's on Hwy 60, Magdalena, NM, Dec. 2012

I asked Santa for a horse, and for summer to come back NOW.
One seems about as likely as the other.

I was fortunate enough to be able to take a full week of vacation for Christmas, which is especially important because the kids are still young enough to really enjoy the holiday. Maggie got to see Santa, and when he asked us what we wished for, we gave the same answer: a horse! I've been wanting one since I was 6 years old; maybe next year I'll be able to make both our wishes come true. Of course, everyone warns me how hideously expensive horse care is, so it's a big "maybe." But slightly more likely if I can get hold of the empty lot next door and use that as the barn/corral space. Horses in my backyard... yeah, that sounds right.

Maggie also got a brand new bike, Laz got a week of pajama days and an iPod, and I got to sleep in and be just a little bit domestic. Before I go back to work on Monday I hope to have one or more seed trays sown with mixed greens, chard, and spinach. Once the new year starts I'll have almost no free time thanks to three intense trainings, so this is it for my leisure time till sometime in February. So we're enjoying it to the hilt...

Oh, and I gave Dad a metal running-horse silhouette sign for the ranch, made by a local blacksmith (and Santa, shown in the pic above); he's really hoping to get a home built out there this year, finally. We wish you all the best for a happy, healthy, prosperous new year!

Blue, Christmas

"A world undone"

The times are nightfall, look, their light grows less; The times are winter, watch, a world undone… (Gerard Manley Hopkins)

Three months of hard work and learning have left me exhilarated and exhausted, and grateful for a holiday respite... my first paid vacation in a dozen years. Having time and energy only to watch summer and autumn race by, I now seek out the beauty in the stillness, in the husks and hulls of "the world undone" as winter descends upon the landscape.

Winter silences me, creatively; I find myself thinking and feeling more but doing less -- hiking less, photographing less, writing less, creating less. But there is more time to watch when gardens lie fallow and tools are put up for the season. Watch, consider, let be for now.

Evening Commute

Golden cottonwood, tamarisks, and rabbitbrush, Highway 169 near Alamo, NM, Nov. 2012

Driving daily along the rolling hills, intimate valleys, and open plains between Magdalena and Alamo, I watch the seasons slip from one to another. Maybe half a dozen cottonwoods dot the landscape, tucked into arroyos where they can get enough water in our mostly dry climate. They began changing in early October, first a few golden leaves just around the edges, then toward the trunk, then finally a full-out luscious explosion of deep gold that seemed to glow even after the sunset.

Just after Halloween I realized I'd been watching and enjoying this view daily for several weeks but hadn't shared it yet... so I found a safe pullout, wandered around this arroyo for the few moments I had left before darkness settled in, and got a photo good enough to post (once I'd lightened it up a bit). The leaves have since been blown away on a gusty late-autumn storm, so now we wait a few months for winter to come and go, and for the first tinge of spring green as the hills and valleys come back to life. Maybe we'll get some good snow in the meantime, which might make the commute a bit hairy but will also make for some beautiful landscape.

Morning Commute

Sunrise, Highway 169 between Magdalena and Alamo, Nov. 2012

I never thought I'd be able to handle a rigid work schedule that requires me to be out the door by 7:15 a.m., let alone enjoy the commute, but this is a major reason I can and do. Thirty miles of rolling hills, open vistas, and sunrises and sunsets make for an amazing commute that I could never have imagined a dozen years ago when my 30-mile commute took me through Southern California suburban sprawl at, usually, a maddening crawl. I remember nudging along those clogged freeways thinking that someday, just maybe, things would be different.

How amazingly different, indeed.

Blooming

Last of the hollyhocks, Magdalena, NM, Oct. 2012

Two months without a post... the new job is awesome, but the schedule leaves little leisure time and I'm still working out that professional/personal balance so I can have more energy for stuff I love - photography, music, hiking... The gardening season is over, though, which is always sad (Maggie and I miss our daily grazing for cherry and yellow pear tomatoes) even if it does lighten my "workload" at home. This year, thanks to the new job, I might be able to buy a small, simple greenhouse to grow greens, herbs, and a few other goodies all winter.

Despite several hard freezes this past week (two weeks later than usual! which meant more tomatoes!) a few flowers have survived, including this single hollyhock in the back yard. I also still have some sprigs of pineapple sage left; its stunning red flowers burst out in late September, and its location on my south wall seems to help them weather at least a few frosts before succumbing. My morning glories are gone, though, which to me signals the end of my gardening season... for now. I'll post pics of those soon; I am almost two months behind in my Photoshopping and surely have a few gems in the backlog.

Hollyhock stamens - a bit like a bazillion-armed octopus

Hummingbird Medicine

Young female (I think) rufous hummingbird, Magdalena, NM, August 2012

Just outside my bedroom window a tiny messenger came calling this morning, perching quietly on the old peach tree for a good bit. She stayed long enough for me to get my camera, take a few photos, and enjoy the rare sight of a hummingbird at rest. Some people believe animals carry specific meanings and messages, so just for curiosity's sake I looked up what hummingbirds mean and found this:

What is hummingbird's message for us? First of all, adaptability in life's many situations and being able to "roll with the punches." If you have hummingbird medicine, you adapt easily to whatever situation you may find yourself in, and make the most of your new circumstances. You don't waste time looking back and wishing for "what was" for you are concerned with making the most of "what is." 

The second message is inner joy.... You take great pleasure in spreading joy and love and beauty to all around you, and have the gift of taking that inner joy into new and different surroundings.

So, be adaptable and nurture my inner joy as I move forward. Turns out to be a fortuitous message for today: I finally received my official license to practice therapy (under supervision for 2 years) and can now truly move forward into my new career! I start working part-time in Albuquerque on Tuesday, and will also interview next week for a more local job that seems both challenging and promising. Four years in the making, my journey begins a whole new phase. As busy as I'll be, though, I truly hope I continue to enjoy moments like this morning's, just watching a bird pause in its own busy life.

New Phase...

New moon over the Jemez Mountains, shot near Santa Fe, NM, July 2012

Portal de Santa Fe, July 2012

I shot this brand-new moon a little over three weeks ago during my trip to Santa Fe to hand-deliver my mental health counseling licensure application. I spent a few weeks compiling all the necessary information and supporting documentation, and carefully completing the form to ensure quick processing and approval. I hand-delivered it to ensure its receipt a week ahead of the usual scheduled monthly review. I confirmed with the clerk that everything was in order, that I was well ahead of the deadline, and that, assuming I met all criteria (and I'd triple-checked that I did), I would receive my license to practice therapy within two to three weeks.

The new moon I saw that evening is now in its late phase, slipping back toward the sun and a new phase. Much to my dismay I found out last week that the application has been needlessly delayed (I won't go into why; that could blacklist me permanently), which automatically delays me in starting to make a living in my new career for another month. Another month of living on sporadic jewelry sales, student loans, and various other forms of assistance, while nearly four years of diligent coursework and clinical preparation simmer away in my head as I sit on my hands and wait to get to work.

A friend asked me to look for the gift in this delay. What gift?? But she's right in that my perception shapes my response, and I can consciously choose to find or create the gift here. Paradoxically, the delay is itself the gift. It gives me more time with my kids as they settle into the new school year (they started last week -- how crazy-early is that??), more time to develop a new routine for us all, more time to figure out how to help my son work through some pretty serious challenges that he's been struggling with for a while now.

The delay also gives me a moment to pause, to consider what I've accomplished, and to imagine the possibilities ahead. Recently I read something to the effect of "imagine without expectation" (can't remember the source) and recalled the following:

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
  -T.S. Eliot, "The Four Quartets"

Pause, be still, and wait without hope -- not hopeless, just in faith. This, I can do.

Rain on Me

Light sunset rain on pond, near Magdalena, NM, August 2012

A month ago our "monsoons" seemed to be in full swing, and then -- nothing. This is not good, and as usual we're worried about the land, the animals, the big picture... Yesterday the skies opened up for a while during a party I hosted for a dear friend's 40th birthday -- seems like a good omen for her! Today we just got a few sprinkles before sunset and probably will just have heat and sunshine for the week. This is not typical for this time of year for us so, as always, we pray for rain.

Old Timers 2012: All the Pretty Horses

Alamo Navajo girl readying her horse for the Old Timers Parade, Magdalena, NM, July 2012

I love the Old Timers parade, for the people-watching and happy kids and, most of all, for the pretty horses. There seemed to be fewer this year, but those that walked were beautiful as always. The photo above was my first shot of the day, as we were walking toward the parade, and it's my one of my favorite shots from the whole day. At left you can see this girl riding (an older relative led her) with such composure and grace, and enough confidence to throw candy to the kids lining the road. I hope she won a prize (I'm going to ask the local newspaper editor if he can get me a list of parade participants), and I definitely see a future Miss Alamo Navajo in the making. Other riders included our friend and local beautician Karolyn Rolston with two "besties" who decked themselves and their horses out in pink and feathers and bling-a-ling... some might not find this fitting for such noble animals, but the horses really didn't seem to care.

Karolyn (at right, on Blue) and her posse, Magdalena, NM, July 2012

The New Mexico State Fair Queen and Little Miss Rodeo New Mexico (both below) were also there, along with the Socorro County Rodeo Queen and various princesses. All are beautifully decked out, and they and their horses have amazing poise given the crowds and noise.

The Valencia County Sheriffs ride every year, nicely attired in a more, shall we say, classic style but with a flash of color that really makes them stand out. They also perform a bit of Western dressage several times along the parade route, much to spectators' delight.

Valencia County Sheriffs, Magdalena, NM, July 2012

A pair of mules pulling a wagon and driver were the prettiest mules I've ever seen...

Mules at work, Magdalena, NM, July 2012

... but "our" mule, Goliath (Doc Rolston's trusted pack mule, who Dad says rides like a Cadillac), has the best personality. He wins admirers wherever he goes, including these two cowgirls who paused from rodeo fun to say Hi.

Goliath with two new friends, Magdalena, NM, July 2012

And Goliath bore Maggie on her second Old Timers parade ride, not even needing to be led by Dad (riding Damacio) because he is gentle and Maggie is fast gaining confidence on horseback. I sat out the parade this year but might have to saddle up again next year because, yeah, there just didn't seem to be enough horses for this classic cowboy-town parade.

Maggie and Dad riding across the rodeo grounds after the parade, Magdalena, NM, July 2012