21 May 2010

Moving Forward

Pincushion Flower (Scabiosa lucida), May 2010

I love these flowers because they're hardy enough for both our cold winters and our dry climate and because they bring in lots of bees to pollinate my garden (which I finally got planted yesterday). I also love the pale bluish lavender... and until I took this photo I had no idea this flower packed so many colors into its tiny unfurling buds and stamens. Best of all, the two plants just outside my studio are packed with new buds that will continue blooming all summer and well into the fall.

Why so much photography these days? First, I love it, and finally have decent "tools." Second, I feel an almost desperate compulsion to be outside, away from phones and the computer and papers and files and all of it. I finished some business with my ex this week (I hope he doesn't decide to get ornery about it, but whatever) and am "feeling the feelings" as a dear friend puts it so I can finally, really let them go and move on in my life. It is time. I am giving up a lot, materially, to settle with him in order to bypass our horror show of a rural kangaroo court (yes, I'm writing that on my public blog, and I get to let go of all that anger now, too) and to avoid further disrupting my family life at this critical time, and the "loss" is well worth it to finally gain some true peace and freedom.

Life is beautiful. I make a choice every day to believe this, and even on a not-good day I can find some bit of beauty to rest my eyes on. (It seems a whole lot easier in spring, though...) ;-)

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