Upward

Apple blossoms in morning light, Santa Fe, NM, April 2013

This weekend was about training - the last in my four-part course on infant mental health - but it was also about escape, taking stock, realigning priorities and energy, and recommitting to my core. It was about looking inward, past all the turbulence created by people and their drama these past few months, and clearing the path to my inner light so that no matter what is happening around me, I can keep my feet on the ground and stay true to my path. I did this earlier this month during my retreat, so despite an intense whirlwind these past weeks, that path is still well-marked and easy to retrace.

I will not stray from it again. (I hope.) And I will remember that when the path does blur or darkness obscures it, I never walk alone. Eventually, the sun will rise again and light the way - I just have to keep paying attention, and keep the path clear.

Bridging

Play therapy, Carmel, Calfornia

"The cure for anything is salt water - tears, sweat, or the sea." (Isak Dinesen)

For a few days, when I retreated from my world, I was at peace. Centered, calm, connected with my innermost self, serene. That has slipped away as I have jumped back into "normal" life. Once again I find myself struggling with exhaustion, anxiety, self-doubt, and now a bad case of hives and heartache to boot. How do we bridge that chasm from retreat to reality? I guess the first step is even being able to see that chasm: to see that something is out of balance, that what I want and what I truly need aren't always compatible, and also that if I don't take time to play, I will lose myself - my beautiful, free inner self - altogether.

Life involves struggle. How much do we endure before we reclaim our right to play joyfully in the sea?

Winding Road

Every day, a winding road (for a few days at least)

A lot can happen in 13 years, which is how long it took me to finally get back to the most beautiful place on earth (to me, anyway). Through all of it, I discovered how strong I am, and how to live the best life I can wherever I am, and how to wait for what I need and want, and how to hold onto hope and faith even through the worst of times. The best part of that learning, of course, is when the endurance and hard work bear fruit - my cup runneth over this year. Pausing last week to rest, take stock, and take a deep breath was a huge gift for me. Gazing upon this exquisite, inspiring view also helped me remember that no matter where the road leads, we can always find our way to beauty. And back.

Tiny Blessings

Last week's mini-vacation was a huge blessing for so many reasons: beautiful surroundings, stillness, contemplative solitude, SLEEP, and repair of my 3-years-lost connection with my higher power. Every morning I sat on a little deck for breakfast and took time to notice every little joy around me. The tiny blossoms drifting down from a gnarled, aromatic tree growing right up through the deck. The hum of bees above me. The wind and sometimes a light mist on my skin. The birds calling and chattering, and sometimes pure silence, a hushed open space in which, a little more every day, I could actually hear the "still small voice within" that had been silent (or silenced?) for so long. So much beauty within and all around us, always there when we can take a moment to see and hear and feel it.

Divine Inspiration

Lupines and grasses along the Central California coast

This picture perfectly sums up my retreat last week. How I've missed this, to me the most beautiful place on earth. I love New Mexico and am glad to call it home, but an ocean view is medicine for a tired, parched soul.